tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60732262011-07-25T21:53:43.820-07:00In this world; in this special world; in this special evil world. It all makes special, evil sense to me. Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.comBlogger201100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1100873305426557282004-11-19T06:07:00.000-08:002004-11-19T06:09:11.173-08:00

There comes a point where you're barrelling down the freeway at speeds which are completely in excess of the local speed limit; when you've got half the counties law enforcement funnelled up behind you; when the only opposing choices you have open to you are to either drive the car or shoot the gun; when actually what you end up doing is driving the car AND shooting the gun; when the hostage

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1100113855928264562004-11-10T11:06:00.000-08:002004-11-10T11:10:55.926-08:00

Shopping List broccoli organic carrots potatos - big bag minced meat steaks washing powder shower gel toothpaste Hydrochloric acid Barq's Rootbeer (12-pack)

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1099919930589412332004-11-08T04:53:00.000-08:002004-11-08T05:18:50.590-08:00

If you're a special evil clown, then you'll always lose the odd pom-pom. From the viewpoint of the victim, they're usually the only things their desparate scrabbling hands can grab onto during that final kill. That's fine. Basic Evil Clown teaching says that pom-poms are a tax deductable consumable. I've known evil clowns who weren't satisfied on a night until at least one victim had managed to

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1090833753316954022004-07-26T02:14:00.000-07:002004-07-26T02:22:33.316-07:00

Last night, I was talking to Mildred, and she told me some secrets about the raccoons, and the neighbours, about the whispering sound of a cheesewire, and the dull thud of a marble rolling pin, and I got to think about how I'm still here in Suburbia, and although the assignments are picking up, how I'm lonely for some real conversation. I put Mildred back into her box then, gave it a decent

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1087909211867917402004-06-22T05:51:00.000-07:002004-06-22T06:00:11.866-07:00

ITChick asks ... My brother might be interested in becoming an evil clown. How does one get into Evil Clown School? Most people think that it is enough to be simply "Evil" to start training as an evil clown. This is not the case. To become an evil clown, first one must BE a clown. Tell your brother to start at the bottom. Take some juggling classes, borrow a book from the library on Balloon

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1087302937205685582004-06-15T05:33:00.000-07:002004-06-15T05:59:57.940-07:00

Finally, I have a gmail account. I feel so 7334. If you want to send me email, then write to special.clown@gmail.com. I would prefer it if you also told me where you lived, and what the security code for your alarm system is. (Only Joking - Just send me an email heh.)

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1085754340087935642004-05-28T07:11:00.000-07:002004-05-28T07:25:40.086-07:00

They found me. Somebody told somebody something, and that person told someone else. But they found me, and I had to run. For the last four months, I've been hiding out in Minnosota (Don't ask), Irene's been all over the media (Oprah - OhMyGod - And Why), and I've been shacked up in this suburban nightmare with nothing but the cats and Mildred's decomposing head to keep me company. I'm guessing

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1085753362773352992004-05-28T07:08:00.000-07:002004-05-28T07:09:22.773-07:00

You know. I'd Kill for a Gmail account. Really. I would.

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1070878635060044082003-12-08T02:17:00.000-08:002003-12-08T02:17:26.823-08:00

Special Clown has been away. I'd like to say that the heat was too much; that I had to hide-out for a while; that I was being hunted through the underworld by a cop who was trying to avenge the death of his wife. Truth is I've been too lazy, and too bored with this project. Maybe I'll come back to it.

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1069417145282226662003-11-21T04:19:00.000-08:002003-11-21T04:19:12.516-08:00

I AM A Star. An evil clown star; a good husband star; a pleaser of Irene; buyer of fantastic gifts. I am a lover & a killer. I AM AN EVIL CLOWN GOD!!!As you can probably guess, the anniversery went extremely well. I'd almost given up hope of being able to provide a good suprise for her, but things went much better than I'd ever hoped. 5.00pm. Irene got home early. She'd been in meetings for the

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1069284554347385412003-11-19T03:29:00.000-08:002003-11-19T15:30:35.820-08:00

Somedays I get back from a hard night of slaying, and all I want to do is eat some food, watch a couple of Tivo'd reality shows, and then go to bed. It doesn't work like that. Before I go to bed this morning, I have to take my makeup off; take off my shoes; remove and place my blood splashed clowns outfit in the "blood splashed outfit" basket; clean the brain matter from the edges of my chainsaw;

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1069198922617176102003-11-18T15:42:00.000-08:002003-11-18T15:42:09.060-08:00

I'm a special evil clown. I AM A SPECIAL EVIL CLOWN. I'm supposed to understand what makes people tick. So tell me. Why can't I work out what to do for Irene? Huh. Huh?

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1069085211985167522003-11-17T08:06:00.000-08:002003-11-17T08:06:58.406-08:00

Hints and tips: If anybody asked me what the most important thing about being an evil clown was, I'd tell them breathing. Learn to modulate the tone and volume of your breathing so that potential victims (a) know you're there, but (b) don't know where "there" is. The best evil clown breathers are ventriloquists. Remember that, and then, (and only then) can the slaying begin.

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1069077434315964592003-11-17T05:57:00.000-08:002003-11-17T05:57:20.050-08:00

It's been a tiring weekend. One of the advantages of living in a digital world is that there's no longer any need to keep a photo-processing room hidden at the back of the cellar. Of course, I'm a bit nostalgic for the good old days when you'd push the paper slowly into the developer, and the victims face would coelesce from this blur of colour into some something sharp, definite and doomed.

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1068918017224372692003-11-15T09:40:00.000-08:002003-11-15T09:40:22.716-08:00

Warwick's Dry Cleaning on 2nd and 5th is the best dry cleaning shop in the world. Dave the owner was an evil-clown back in the day, so he's pretty used to removing those hard-to-remove stains evil-clowns tend to accumulate. He's also a demon with a sewing needle. After Dave's finished reattaching pom-poms to your clown suit, it'll take a good three or four franticly scrabbling victims to claw

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1068815957302814602003-11-14T05:19:00.000-08:002003-11-14T05:19:22.850-08:00

It's my 13th Wedding Anniversery soon, and I'm racking my brain to try and work out what Irene wants as a present. In the past I've always taken her out for various meals, but to be honest with you, we've got to that stage now when we have so little to say to each other that there's no point in taking her out. All the other gifts I can think of are evil-clown orientated. I'll see a cordless

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1068754901638645052003-11-13T12:21:00.000-08:002003-11-13T13:03:19.350-08:00

Who was the first person I told about the affair? I can't remember. Obviously Rachel knew about it from the start, and it was at her insistence that none of the other evil-clowns got to know about it. But I had to tell somebody. In the end it came down to telling the victims. Sometimes they're so understanding. Last week I was telling one about how it's beginning to affect my work, how some

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1068743645383556892003-11-13T09:14:00.000-08:002003-11-13T09:14:10.730-08:00

Sometimes, when it's my turn to do the shopping, and Irene (my wife) has the other car, I have to drive the clown car over to WalMart to stock up on Custard Powder and Bleach. There's always some Wise-Guy who'll start pointing at the car, and making ridiculous Honk-Honk noises. I'll photograph them with my Canon Digital Camera, and when I get home, I'll usb-download the pictures onto my iMac,

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1068733649873336632003-11-13T06:27:00.000-08:002003-11-13T06:35:37.430-08:00

Even special, evil, clowns need something to do in the slow haunting days when the sun is bright, and the sound of mayhem has slipped to a slow forgetful hum. That's why the special, evil, clown has got himself a blog where he can tell the good-people-of-the-interweb what happens during the normal day-to-day life of a special evil clown.And it's not going to be the usual humdrum murder and

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6073226.post-1068726584949492422003-11-13T04:29:00.000-08:002003-11-13T04:29:50.010-08:00

Today I want you to take the hacksaw from the special, petal lined drawer, and give it a good wash. Being a special evil clown isn't all about the hacking and the slaying. Take time to look after your instruments, and your instruments will look after you.

Special Clownhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07384336584025972526noreply@blogger.com0